Juliet and Ceasar
by ToriKisu
Summary: This is a play i wrote in my spare time while we were reading Julius Ceasar in English this year. i thought i would be funny to see what it would be like if Caesar met Juliet. (I dont own Shakespeare)
1. act 1 scene 1

Act One Scene One  
  
Enter Juliet  
  
Juliet: (on her balcony) Romeo! My Romeo! Where is my Romeo?  
  
Enter Julius Caesar  
  
Caesar: (in the garden) No, lovely lady in the window, for I am Julius Caesar.  
  
Juliet: Are you a Montague?  
  
Caesar: Should I be?  
  
Juliet: Yes! For I love Montague's! You must be a Montague!  
  
Caesar: Ok! Therefore I shall bear the name Montague.  
  
Juliet: Come into my room! I must sleep with you!  
  
Caesar: No arguments here.  
  
Exit Juliet  
  
Caesar: A beautiful woman wants me in her room! Me, an old  
ugly guy. She, all 13 years of her, wants me in her room.  
We're goin' to do it. (runs into a trellis) My head! My head!  
My beautiful head! (rubs head) Where am I? Who am I? (runs into  
trellis again) I am Julius Caesar! The Capitol is my diary and I  
am going to rule it one day.  
  
Enter Juliet on the balcony  
  
Juliet: Well, are you coming or not?  
  
Caesar: Oh, right, my lady Dulcinea!  
  
Juliet: Your lady who? My name is Juliet! I am a Capulet  
and it is forbidden that I even talk to the Montague's, but I  
love them so much. Are you coming or not?  
  
Caesar: Yes! I am coming. How do I get to your room?  
  
Juliet: Climb up that tree and over to my balcony.  
  
Caesar: That sounds like a "Capulet" idea. Hehe.  
  
Juliet: A what?  
  
Caesar: A "Capulet" idea instead of a capitol idea? Or would  
it have made more sense if I said a "senate" idea?  
  
Juliet: Uh, no...I think...whatever.  
  
Caesar: I shall climb up that tree into your room so I can  
sleep with you. (climbs up the tree)  
  
Caesar: My lady, love, I am here, how do I get there?  
  
Juliet: Hmm...I don't know. My Romeo always just climbed over  
I guess.  
  
Caesar: How do you expect I do that? I can't climb over  
stuff!  
  
Juliet: Just do it!  
  
Caesar: I, Julius Caesar, shall jump over this gap and on to  
my love's balcony. (jump off tree and falls down, blacks out)  
  
Exit Juliet 


	2. act 1 scene 2

Act One Scene Two  
  
_ Enter Juliet in her room_  
  
Juliet: _(gasping)_ He's down on the ground, he's blacked out,  
and he's hot. What do I do? I have to do something. I have to  
help him. That's what I have to do. Oh, he's so cute...gotta go  
save him.  
  
_ Exit Juliet_


	3. act 1 scene 3

Act One Scene Three  
  
_ Enter Juliet  
  
_ Juliet: My love, wake up! Are you ok? Please wake up.  
_(slaps him in the face)_ I need you. Wake up.  
  
Caesar: _(opening his eyes and coughing)_ I am alive! I live!  
  
Juliet: _(throws her arms around him)_ You scared me. I'm so  
happy to see you alive.  
  
Caesar: We now must go to your room and have some fun.  
  
_ Both Exit_


	4. act 2 scene 1

Act Two Scene One  
  
_Juliet is lying on her bed the next morning and Caesar is  
missing_  
  
Juliet: Oh, woe, woe. My man is gone! Where could he be?  
He used me as his whore. Oh, woe! Woe! Why was I so foolish  
to fall in love with an older guy?  
  
_ Enter Caesar_  
  
Caesar: My ladylove, I had to go to the bathroom. You are  
awake mow. I have wanted to wake you up for an hour or so.  
  
Juliet: I feel so good. You must go now for my father will  
awaken soon to come check on me and I am sure he will not  
appreciate me in my birthday suit like I am.  
  
Caesar: If you think it is best, I shall leave and I will be  
back in twenty-four hours from now my love.  
  
Juliet: Yes, now kiss me a sweet kiss. I will count the  
hours till I see you again.  
  
Caesar: Yes, this one nightstand was the best one I have  
had.  
  
Juliet: one nightstand? What is that?  
  
Caesar: In due time, my love.  
  
_Exit Caesar off balcony, falls to the ground  
_  
Caesar: I'm ok!  
  
_Enter Nurse_  
  
Nurse: Oh? You are up now? And I see you slept in the  
nude. Oh, well, nothing I have not seen before. I changed your  
diapers.  
  
Juliet: My, Nurse! You walk I on me while I am changing.  
Good thing I am not embarrassed by you. I do have one question  
for you.  
  
Nurse: Yes? You may ask me.  
  
Juliet: How do you know when you are going to bear a child?  
When do you know when you are ready and may already have one in  
the oven?  
  
Nurse: _(dropping the towels in her hands)_ Are you telling  
me that you have slept with a guy and want me to tell you when  
you have gotten pregnant?  
  
Juliet: Yes Nurse! Please tell me!  
  
Nurse: That, you must find out for yourself.  
  
_Exit Nurse_


	5. act 2 scene 2

Act Two Scene Two  
  
_Enter Juliet in the garden_  
  
Juliet: It is a lovely day outside. The grass is green, the  
flowers are blooming and the sky is blue. It makes me feel like  
love. I wish Caesar was here, I miss him so. _(picks up a flower  
and pulls off the petals)_ he loves me, he loves me not, he loves  
me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me,  
he loves me not?! _(throws the flower on the ground)_ how dare YOU  
decide if he loves me or not. I know for a fact he loves me or  
he wouldn't have slept with me last night.  
  
_Enter Cimber_  
  
Cimber: Hello young lady Capulet. How are you this morn?  
  
Juliet: Quite wonderful. I have met a new man, you know,  
and he is quite charming.  
  
Cimber: That is wonderful for you. What is his name?  
  
Juliet: Julius Caesar. I have heard that name before, like  
in a book from the ancient times or something, but I never  
thought I would meet a person with that name.  
  
Cimber: In what kind of a book? Fantasy, non-fiction,  
mystery, fiction, history?  
  
Juliet: It was in a history book I believe.  
  
Cimber: A history book? I think you should read up on this  
fellow.  
  
Juliet: What makes you think that I can read?  
  
Cimber: You just told me that you saw that name in book and  
you must know how to spell it or you can't read.  
  
Juliet: Good point. I will read up on this guy after I am  
done looking at these flowers.  
  
Cimber: Have fun. I have to go find Mercutio.  
  
_Exit Cimber_  
  
Juliet: His name is familiar, what book did I see it in? I  
try to remember, but I can't. All I can think of is the great  
night I had last night. I shall go look in these books right  
now.  
  
_ Exit Juliet_


	6. act 2 scene 3

Act Two Scene Three  
  
_ Enter Romeo_  
  
Romeo: Oh, Juliet! You take my heart and keep it, for it is  
left with you! You steal my heart and make it your dinner! Oh,  
I am heartbroken when I am not with you.  
  
_Enter Mercutio_  
  
Mercutio: Hello Romeo, my cousin.  
  
Romeo: Hello. I am lonely.  
  
Mercutio: Are you missing someone in particular?  
  
Romeo: Yes, I am missing my love. For love is day and  
night. Night love is blind; you love her for who she is and  
nothing else. Day love is like love at first sight. That's how  
we were at first. I think that night love is much deeper.  
  
Mercutio: You must be feeling that night love my cousin.  
  
Romeo: Yes, that I am.  
  
_Enter Cimber_  
  
Mercutio: Hello, Cimber, what brings you here?  
  
Cimber: I was looking for you.  
  
Mercutio: And why is that?  
  
Cimber: Because I was bored. I just came from Juliet's and  
she—  
  
Romeo: HELLO! Can we not forget about the heartbroken guy!  
  
Cimber: That reminds me. Juliet found a new guy.  
  
Romeo: A new guy? What kind of new guy?  
  
Cimber: A charming new guy. She also seems infatuated by  
him.  
  
Romeo: Infatuated? That's it, I'm going over there right  
now. I can't wait another day. I will fight that guy! And get  
my Juliet back! No more of this fighting with her.  
  
Mercutio: You go, Romeo!  
  
_Exit Romeo_  
  
Mercutio: He's going to die isn't he?  
  
Cimber: Yup. 


End file.
